One week ago, we were right in the middle of Radford’s spring retreat. But if you’ve been following along on instagram, you already know that! And you probably saw my slew of emotional posts about how thankful and wonderful my job is and how much I love college students. And today’s post is a long form of all of those little square love notes.

I LOVE my jobs. Both campus ministry and wedding photography are all about stories. Hearing them, capturing them, helping further them along. They’re about appreciating the individual and caring really well for people. It’s such a remarkable opportunity to be able to care for college students the way that people did for me in college. It constantly feels important and worthwhile, and it challenges who I am as a person. I hope I never stop feeling so lucky that this is my life right now.

Something that we talk about a lot at Cru is identity in Christ. It’s the idea that because of who Jesus is and because of His sacrifice on the cross, our identity is something that we work FROM, not work FOR. Instead of striving and comparing and trying to outdo our peers, it’s about living in that sweet spot of who God made you to be, knowing that your identity, the core of who you are, is safe with Him. We think this idea is SO important that we dedicated an entire retreat to it. 25 or so students came back early from their spring breaks last Wednesday to be with us in Radford, and invest in their own souls. And we had such a great group of students! Everyone who was there was so “in it.” They were there to be challenged and to grow. They were honest and vulnerable with the most precious parts of who they are and it was just exciting to be a part of.

This is the weird thing about retreats (christian or not): when you return from one, you’ve got this weird retreat brain. You try and try to tell people about it, but the words always come out wrong. You feel bonded to the men and women there in this specific way, and it leaves you feeling a little loopy around the rest of the world. Because heres’ the thing: I can tell you about the content all day long, but I’ll never be able to explain how it felt.

I can’t explain what it felt like to be with 30 other people who loved Jesus fiercely for 5 days straight. As hard as I may try, I can’t explain how I was inspired by the students’ boldness, their almost reckless abandon to pray for the campus that somehow found us in the middle of a locked campus building, pleading with God for the students. I can’t tell you how that made me want to be a risk taker! And to stop playing it safe! I can’t tell you how many hours of sleep we missed out on, but what I can tell you is the fullness and alertness we had in our hearts.

I can go on and on about how I got to teach on my favorite thing in the world, Changes that Heal by Dr Henry Cloud, but what I can’t explain is how joyful this made me! It lit this fire in me to have a platform to talk about the areas that God has changed my life, and to see it so well received by the students. I can’t explain how much my soul was lightened and freed by getting vulnerable in front of a large group of people and sharing my struggle and sin with them. I can’t tell you how much my heart swelled when I saw our students dancing around a fountain in the center of campus, singing out praise to the Lord, so enthralled with their God.

Most of all, I cant explain what it was like to see the students come out of their shells, love and laugh hard, and grow together in community. I can’t explain how it feels to embrace the idea that God has put this unimaginable light inside of all of us. And that is not something to be ashamed of. These glorious souls remind me that I desperately need God, and that there is so much value in being right here, because NOW is the only place we can really live.

Here are the beautiful people that I spent the week with.

The boys made the girls signs one night! And it was so darn sweet.

We had these things called cell groups: it was the place we’d break up for discussion and get even closer. I loved seeing how these women bonded.

Because the students allow me to let my crazy out.

The rest are iPhonetography.

Our giant women’s bonfire. The older men took us out into the woods and had us widdle sticks, build a fire, gaze at the stars, and most importantly…smash stuff with a sledgehammer.

Our last night on campus, rejoicing and praying for God to move.

Because both teaching on boundaries and watching Sammie and Kelsey be bucketheads were my favorite parts.